VALUES AND BELIEFS – THEIR IMPORTANCE IN COACHING

Your values and beliefs are those things that are important to you. They drive what you think, say and do and are an insight into our individual personality. Each of us has our own value system, elements of which we are very aware and some less so because we haven’t thought about them lately.

Beliefs are mental constructs we create, based on our experience to help us make sense of the world in which we live.

Values and beliefs support the individual’s sense of identity, i.e. the who behind the why, how, what, where and when, and relate to the deeper motivations which drive people to act or persevere.

When a coach works with their client at the value and belief level, it is at these higher levels that it is possible to fully unlock the potential for performance and behaviour change.

Even if a client has the skills and capabilities, he will not use them if his belief is that he can’t. Even if he believes he can, he won’t if he is not motivated by his values to do so. By working with both beliefs and values we as coaches are working directly with the client’s limiting beliefs about himself, and with his self-esteem and motivation, both vital ingredients to success and excellence.

Without this understanding a coach can waste time on areas that are controlled by a client’s fundamental belief.

BELIEFS

Beliefs drive behaviour. Mark Twain wrote “if you believe you can, you can and if you believe you can’t you’re right”

Our Beliefs are the mental maps we use to navigate the territory we call ‘our life’ and were being formed from the moment we were born. It all starts with a vague representation of something we experience. We don’t know at that time where to fit the experience but with time more and more clarity comes and ‘knowledge’ arises. That knowledge gets backed up by even more experience, and solidifies. Now the knowledge becomes a ‘knowing’, something that we consider to be true. If more validating and affirming experiences are stacked on each other, the belief develops even further into a conviction. From that point on we have built a fortress around the belief and it might seem that no-one is able to prove the belief wrong.

Beliefs can, and do change, but the belief that beliefs are changeable is in itself a challenging belief for some people because they think of beliefs as possessions. People talk about ‘having’ and ‘holding’ beliefs. We also have a personal investment in our beliefs; when the world confirms them then it makes sense to us, and gives us a sense of security and certainty. “I told you so” is a satisfying phrase, not because we wanted anything to go wrong, but because our beliefs were proved right.

John Stuart Mill wrote “One person with a belief is equal to a force of 99 who have only interests” and there are many people in history who are testimony to that being the case. People who have changed history – Christ, Columbus, Einstein, Ghandi, Churchill – have changed peoples beliefs.

That is why beliefs open the door to excellence. Belief delivers a direct command to one’s nervous system. When you believe something is true, you literally go into the state of it being true. Handled effectively, beliefs can be the most powerful forces for creating good in your life. Conversely beliefs that limit one’s actions and thoughts can be as devastating as resourceful beliefs can be empowering.

Limiting Beliefs

Limiting beliefs are the major culprits stopping us achieving our goals and living our values. They act as rules that stop us getting what is possible, what we are capable of and what we deserve. When a client has limiting beliefs their behaviour is not what they want but they think they cannot change it. As their coach we need to ensure that the client changes, replaces or discards completely such beliefs. When a coach asks “What stops you from achieving your goal?” the answers very often are limiting beliefs.

As stated earlier, limiting beliefs may come from childhood, perhaps copied from parents. These early beliefs often stay hidden and we do not consciously evaluate them as adults.

Some typical limiting beliefs are:

‘No pain, no gain’

‘I can’t work a computer’

‘Other people are better than me’

‘I’m too old to go to the gym’

Limiting beliefs about oneself and the situation will make a person ‘give up’ rather than change their strategy and take action until they succeed. An empowering set of beliefs is truly one of the keys that need to be installed to set the rest of the formula in motion. In coaching, sometimes being able to articulate limiting beliefs and seeing their effect is enough for a client to change their beliefs and therefore change reality.

In coaching we need to help our clients find out what their beliefs are, how to grow and reinforce the beliefs that support them in life, and how to undo and break down the limiting beliefs.  We need to help the client find a new, desirable representation in reality, and search for evidence that confirms and validates that new representation. Some coaches are able to help their clients using a belief change process and sub-modalities. We also use leverage to heighten what this disempowering belief has cost the client up until now to heighten their desire for change.

Do affirmative beliefs guarantee results every time?  of course not.  However, history has shown time and again that if people maintain the belief system that empowers them, they will come back with enough action and resourcefulness to succeed eventually.  

VALUES

The second key that drives success is our values. Values are like emotional hot buttons that drive our behaviour, what motivate us in life, what we value as important in our lives and at the centre of who we are.

Values are states of mind and principles of action and are usually abstract, for example love, honesty, security, freedom, respect. We value these qualities in others and in ourselves.

All of us regard values very differently. It is the way that we internally rank these values that determines the actions we take.

Values exist and have meaning, not in isolation, but as a web made up of other values. For example, if I say that honesty is important to me, then you might expect that I always tell the truth. This is unless you know the priority that I place on honesty compared to other values. If I place a higher priority on being liked than on honesty, then I may not give you honest feedback if I fear doing so would alienate you.

This just gives you an example using two values and the situation becomes far more complex when there are 10 or 20 values in play. It also means that people that have shared values, but with different priorities, may behave in radically different ways. Thus, in working with individuals, it is not enough to know what their priorities are – you must also explore their value priorities

The coach can find out their client’s values by asking questions like

“What is important to you about……?”

“What do you get out of doing that?”

Alternatively the coach could provide a list of values to the client ahead of a consultation session asking them to circle those words that best relate to their key values. We then prioritise or rank the words, this is led by the coach and actioned by the client.

One aspect of leading a successful, integrated and fulfilled life is to have chosen a life in which our high-priority values are not in conflict on a frequent basis.

Values can be context dependent, for example, what people value in their professional life may not be the same as what they value in relationships. People do however tend to have core values that stay the same whatever the context.

A client must not judge a client’s values even if they seem strange. As a coach we are not there to judge; either respect the client’s values or do not work with them.

All goals are generated by values. Every material thing that we want is an expression of a value that we want to satisfy.  One of the greatest pitfalls is to neglect the journey too much in favour of the destination. It is crucial that we respect the value that generated the goal in the first place and live the value in the journey on the way to the goal. If we neglect the value in our haste to get to the end goal, the end goal will be hollow, if achieved at all.

An common example of this is a man who loves his family and wants to give them a wonderful life. He values the love of his family and works hard to earn lots of money so that they can have nice things. However, in achieving this he is always at work so he neglects them; he becomes a stranger to his children and this makes them unhappy. The man is also unhappy but he justifies his actions because he is ‘doing it for the family’. He may achieve his goal of earning a lot of money for himself and his family but they will be unhappy because he didn’t respect the value that generated the goal in the way that he tried to achieve it.

When the coach can help the client know their values, they are free to find the best way to satisfy their deepest needs and living their values during the journey toward the goal keeps the client motivated.

SUMMARY

In order to build rapport with a client it is important to respect the client’s values and beliefs. This does not mean that you have to agree with them, but we have to be willing to see events from their perspective, otherwise we will only coach people like ourselves.

A client is the embodiment of their values and beliefs and whilst we may disagree with both, the essence of respect is accepting who the client is. If a coach cannot accept them, do not take the client on – you have your boundaries that need to be respected too.

Having taken on the client, a coach needs to work with them at the value and beliefs level, as it is at these higher levels that it is possible to fully unlock the potential for performance and behaviour change. Even if a client has the skills and capabilities, he will not use them if his belief is such that he can’t. Even if he believes that he can, he won’t if he is not motivated by his values to do so. By working with beliefs and values we are working directly with the client’s beliefs about themselves and with their self-esteem and motivation both vital ingredients to success and excellence. We need to guide the client to choose beliefs that are conducive to success and the desired results and discard the ones that are holding the client back.

Beliefs and values can be identified through a client’s linguistic structure, recognising levels of beliefs and identifying belief conflicts can be done with NLP training.

All our values and beliefs are learned and reside in the subconscious part of our mind. When we induce hypnosis in therapy, we gain direct access to the client’s subconscious which is naturally suggestible to new ways of doing things. In so doing, we bypass the conscious mind and the ‘inner critic’ that makes changing so difficult.

We can help the client, or ourselves, to get ‘unstuck’ in our ways and to unlearn negative or limiting behaviours and emotions and relearn new and more desirable ones. This helps people toward a happier and more fulfilling life and in so doing fulfils the life of the coach too – Doesn’t It?

Carol-Anne Baker, Performance Coaching Centre

www.performancecoachingcentre.co.uk